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Trust - A Collaborative Journey
It was a small room, stuffy and badly lit. Eleven young people sat around on the floor, on chairs and on tables, heads bowed, stirring a mixture of anger and disappointment. "I thought we had a plan" I said to the group. "I thought we would be ready". There was no movement, no response. All I could see was the top of their heads and their hair moving slightly in the chill March midnight air.
Disaster
We were the team presenting a residential youth event with an advertised theme and programme. As we had gathered on that Friday night from around the country, the pieces were not falling into place but falling apart. As each assigned job was checked with the group another gap appeared. So we had no first session, the icebreakers would be 'spontaneous'. The second session was clear in someone's mind but not written down. There were some questions for group work but those depended upon the session we didn't have. Disaster.
Don't delegate failure!
"Let the young people lead the conference. It’s good youth work". That was the opinion at the planning stage. The older adults should stay in the background and support and let the experienced, university aged students take the initiative. Who thinks up these theories? Tonight at least it wasn't working and I realised that if the weekend fell apart, it was myself who would be blamed. You don't delegate failure, it seems, only success.
Silent Disappointment
Meanwhile 60 young people were already trying to sleep in the centre, perhaps dreaming of a good few days of training, which for me had suddenly turned into a nightmare. Of course, I've been a youth worker too long to turn up at such moments without a safety net and the odd parachute. I knew I could still hold the weekend together on my own with the material I had thrown in the boot of the car that morning. But I felt disappointed with the whole group and I suppose I wanted them to feel that disappointment too. So I let the silence sink in and I waited.
Do you trust us?
Eventually Andrew said "Well what are we going to do? How do we rescue the situation". I gave him one of my bleakest smiles and mentioned that I had alternative material that just happened to be in the car. I explained I had handouts, quizzes, role-plays around the theme and one or two icebreakers and the group games that could fit the first session. I expected a rush of relief to go through the group but instead I sensed rather than saw the interchange of eleven glances shooting like laser beams all around me. Eventually Julie said it, "You never really trusted us at all, did you?". Silence. I was suddenly tongue-tied because I knew she was right. Also I knew I had 'enjoyed' in some senses the discomfort they had all been feeling. I felt ashamed and confused and yet I was still responsible. It was me who would be held to account. We had two planning weekends, done everything right, now we weren't ready.
Over-planned
Andrew spoke again "I'll repeat what I said before? How are we going to rescue the situation?". He emphasised the word 'we' very strongly and looked down at me from the table he sat on as he said it. Another voice came from the far corner, Paul said "You over-plan everything with worksheets, video clips and things that are safe, educational and adult. I thought you wanted a youth led weekend and you've got it. It may not be planned to the last letter, it may not have nice worksheets but it will have life and energy and we still have seven hours to prepare". There were nods around the room. "I can't keep awake any longer" I said "I've had a five hour drive to get here and a long week before that". "Fine" Julie said "Leave it to us as you promised you would and go to bed. See you in the morning". I tossed my car keys on the table. "If you need more material it's in the boot of the car" I said. "We won't need it. We'll stick to the plan we made" said Paul "We might need to adapt it but it's still intact. Why don't you go off to sleep, you look all-in. With that I slipped into the night more than a little confused.
Success at last
The next morning I felt a hundred years old. I was tired and I had not slept well. I was involved in a training event where I felt totally out of control and the team of eleven treated me more like some old relic than a valued resource in a difficult task. After the first two sessions I felt even older. They had done magnificently. The leadership was strong, the energy and involvement of the group was amazing and the session summaries were better than I could ever have done myself. There were tons of mistakes. The video broke down, they used the wrong CD and there was no paper for the feedback but it never knocked the team off-balance. By Saturday evening I was just one of the group. I had stopped worrying and enjoyed the whole weekend more than any I had ever led myself.
Trust people not plans
I was wrong on Friday night. They had it all organised but not in the way I wanted. I wanted them to come up with my plan expressed in my style. I had not trusted them. I had only trusted planning in my own way. In the end, as a Salesian, I have to trust people not plans. "Give me people nothing else matters" said Don Bosco, the founder of the Salesians. By doing that we can release the energy and originality of youth onto a safety first adult world that needs to be challenged. By trusting youth we create teams who can transform the lives of younger people and all it takes from us is a lot of trust and even more humility.
A spirituality built on trust
Following the Salesian style of working with youth, leads adults deeper into their own journey towards God. It becomes a spirituality that builds trust in people and not in plans. It creates interdependence and not macho Messiahs. Give me people nothing else matters. That is where I will find the face of God in my life and work for others. In those unpredictable and challenging relationships, I will find the meaning that touches eternity.
Fr David O’Malley SDB
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