|
|
 |
Youth Ministry and You
Parents do it, priests do it, even teachers in their schools do it, let’s do it, lets work with youth! It may sound a little trite to paraphrase an old song but it helps to make the point that a lot of people minister to the young every day. They may not be running youth clubs, leading youth prayer groups or organising scouts and guides but they are there, the hidden force for youth ministry.
When a parent puts down the newspaper and takes time to talk to or challenge their teenage son or daughter they are ministering to the young. When a priest adapts his homily because he sees the young people looking bored, that is youth ministry. When a teacher, after disciplining a difficult pupil, enquires more gently about how things are going at home, they have moved into an informal role and are ministering to youth.
Youth ministry happens when an adult steps out of their normal preferred pattern to engage in friendship with the world of a particular young person or group. Why friendship? Youth ministry happens most effectively within a network of friendship, confidence and freedom between a caring adult and a young person or group. For that reason training alone cannot qualify a person as a youth minister, it is the young person who qualifies the adult for this role by giving them their trust, allowing the adult to work with them.
Without the freedom and trust that friendship brings, the adult remains an instructor or a provider of entertainment. When the adult is trusted, hearts are opened and confidence established. A balanced, appropriate affection is able to be expressed and the adult is invited into the world of the young person to respect, affirm and guide the young person along their own unique faith journey.
Youth ministry is therefore a difficult and delicate task. It should not be left to the experts, it is too important. As Catholics, the task of caring for our young people lies squarely at the church door: it is the responsibility of all the congregation, not just the youth leader or the one in charge of the altar servers or the music group. Notice that the task does not lie at the door of the presbytery. The task belongs to each of us as part of the Catholic community.
What can the average busy Catholic do to support young people in the parish? The first thing they can do is to recognise them. They are the endangered species that lurks at the back of our churches, just inside the door, present but already absent. They occasionally emerge from the shadows, from behind the pillars of the church, to do an occasional reading, to play an instrument or serve on the altar. Generally they linger by the papers at the back of the church hoping that they will be given bread not stones but often slipping away unsatisfied.
In what way can adults minister to those elusive young people. Here are some suggestions that might help, many of them coming from Saint John Bosco. He founded the Salesians almost exclusively focused on ministering to young people in clubs and schools, on the streets and in residential centres. It is his wisdom that I am offering.
Smile at them
The first lesson we need to learn as adults and potential youth ministers is that we can appear to young people as aliens from the planet Zog. We wear different clothes, listen to strange music and use language they would never think of using. Anyone who has seen films about meeting aliens knows that the first thing you have to do is to smile at them! Let them know you are on their side and friendly mortals. Don Bosco spent his life working for the young and the title he was most proud of was not “Founder of an Order” but “Friend of Youth”. Friendship and youth ministry both begin with a smile.
Become explorers
Don Bosco insisted that we adults should always make the first move with young people. In saying so, he wanted to remind us that we would be doing what God did; He moved into our world to share the journey with us. We adults need to step into their world without putting our foot in it! We can make the first move by realising that their world is not our world, their concerns may not be our concerns and their dreams not our dreams. We step on to holy ground and into mystery in a particular way when we move into youth ministry, we become respectful explorers of what God is achieving in their lives. Breaking the ice needs some thought for the adult; is not a good beginning to remind them that you used to bounce them on your knee! Finding out what they are interested in and asking them about it is much better. Finding out what they are good at and being genuinely impressed is even better.
Build Confidence
Don Bosco described the heart of young people as a fortress that can only be opened up from the inside by building confidence from the outside. Listen to Saint John Bosco’s own words:
“Confidence sets up an electric current between the young and the adult helper. Hearts are opened and weaknesses made known. The goodness that is generated enables the helper to bear patiently the weariness, annoyance and ingratitude of the young.” ( Letter from Rome 1884)
The young person, on meeting an adult, will wonder if they can trust them. “Can this adult be trusted not to treat me as a child, not to make me feel small? Can this adult be trusted not to laugh at my mistakes or awkwardness? Will this person recognise me as a person and not a retarded adult?” The onus is on the adult to prove their worth perhaps time and time again before the young person is likely to have real contact with them. It is only when that bridge of confidence is built in freedom from both ends that real youth ministry begins.
Optimism and forgiveness
Perhaps Don Bosco’s greatest act of faith as a Saint was to believe in the goodness of every young person. In his day young people were mistrusted and exploited. He stood out as one who defended and befriended them. Today young people are still likely to be blamed for the ills of society, assumed to be out of control, on drugs, or involved in violence and crime. In fact most young people lead good lives with a generosity and awareness that often goes unnoticed and unsung.
The facts today tell a different story: young people are more depressed, and more than twice as likely to attempt suicide than any other age group. Boys are slipping behind in their educational achievement and girls are increasingly likely to be victims of violence. Don Bosco described young people as the most precious and yet most vulnerable part of society and that is still true today.
The cure for this exploitation is encouragement and optimism, helping young people put their mistakes behind them and to begin again. Forgiveness is another act of faith that Don Bosco asked his helpers to make every day. He wanted young people to find in adults a genuine hope for growth forgiveness and change. He wrote this to his workers in the letter quoted earlier:
“Always be optimistic about the goodness of young people and never give up hope. Our Lord did not break the crushed reed, nor quench the smouldering wick, he is our model.” (Letter from Rome 1884)
Be consistent when things go wrong
You may have got the impression that Don Bosco was soft with young people, far from it. He expected young people to stick to their promises and keep the rules that were agreed. He reminded them of the rules often and disciplined them when the rules were broken, though he never used corporal punishment. It is easy for adults to slip into a powerful parental role when things go wrong partly because the adult feels let down and partly because they are worried. What starts out as a well-meant reprimand can turn into World War III and leave a barrier like the Berlin Wall. Don Bosco knew how difficult discipline could be and offered some advice to us adults about what to do when things go wrong:
|
DO |
DON’T |
|
Calm down and deal with your own anger first |
Use corporal punishment |
|
Make sure you know the facts and the young person knows why you think discipline is needed |
Isolate or ignore the young person for long periods |
|
Sort it out quickly and then forget it. NO REMINDERS, it’s history |
Punish a whole group for the sake of one or two |
|
End with some reassurance that your relationship is still friendly |
Make the young person feel small in front of others, especially their friends |
|
I have presented a very positive, encouraging picture of youth ministry for two reasons. Firstly, because it is a difficult and embattled discipline in the church at the moment, and secondly, because it is a vocation, a way to God, which is available to many more people than ‘professional’ youth workers.
Youth ministry is embattled in these times particularly in the area of child protection. There is a suspicion around all those working with the young, including parents, that they may also be harming young people. The recent epidemic of child abuse cases has had a huge impact on the confidence of those who work with youth. It is vital now that those in contact young people know their responsibilities and know how to work in safety with them. It is also important that such people don’t lose their common sense and confidence about working with the young.
Don Bosco recognised something that may not be obvious to those involved with work with young people: they make us think and they challenge us to change. It was Don Bosco’s belief that work with the young opened adults to God in a particular way; it was a vocation. Young people change your life, they throw you off-balance, recognise your faults and tell you, test your compassion and generosity; in giving you a hard time they bring you to life.
It was in those turbulent relationships that Don Bosco heard God calling him to life and into partnership with others working for the young. He found a way to God and made life-giving connections with others to form a youthful church. He grew in wisdom and wholeness; the young people came to life and the team he worked with grew in a way that challenged and transformed the world of the young of his time. We can do the same today by reaching out in friendship to the young around us and, at the same time, listening for the mystery of God’s presence unfolding in their lives for a new millennium.
David O’Malley SDB
|
|
